In the midst of school strikes, impassioned speeches, and Greta Thunberg’s relentless quest to shame the world’s polluting industries, a curious photograph from the 1890s emerged—a photograph that appears to feature none other than Greta herself. But how could a 16-year-old Swedish environmental activist appear in a photo more than a century before she was born? The answer, dear reader, is not that Greta is a time traveler, as some have speculated.
In a shocking turn of events, climate activist Greta Thunberg has come forward with a revelation that will change everything we thought we knew about both her and the world’s environmental crisis: she’s actually an immortal fae, and she’s been on this Earth for centuries trying to stop humans from destroying it.
At a press conference that will go down in history (assuming humans don’t mess that up too), Greta calmly stepped up to the microphone, gave her signature withering glare to a few oil executives in the front row, and dropped the bombshell:
“I am not a mere young human. I am, in fact, an ancient fae spirit, a Bean-Sidhe, born of the earth, the forests, and the ancient rhythms of nature. I have watched your kind ruin this planet for centuries, and I am done playing nice. You have all ignored me long enough.”
Greta’s Centuries-Long Battle With Humanity
Throughout history, Greta—known by different names in different eras—has popped up in moments of environmental crisis, always trying to sound the alarm about humanity’s reckless destruction of nature. In medieval times, she went by “Greta Greenleaf” and delivered a rousing sermon to the knights of Europe, warning them that their deforestation of the sacred groves for jousting tournaments would lead to “loss of biodiversity and soil erosion.” Unfortunately, the knights misinterpreted her words, believing she was describing the effects of dragon fire, and immediately went on a dragon-killing spree. Not exactly the outcome she’d hoped for.
In the Industrial Revolution, she emerged as “Greta Ironbane,” appearing at coal mines to warn of the dangers of pollution. Sadly, the miners just assumed she was advocating for stronger unions, and the pollution continued unabated. It’s also rumored that she tried to stop the construction of the Titanic, but her warnings about “rising waters and melting ice” were brushed off by the ship’s designers, who simply told her, “It’s unsinkable!” She was last seen shaking her head in disbelief near the iceberg.
The Fae’s Distrust of Humans
As an ancient Bean-Sidhe, Greta’s environmental mission isn’t just about protecting the planet—it’s personal. The fae have always had a deep connection to the natural world, living in harmony with forests, rivers, and the earth’s rhythms. Humans, on the other hand, have behaved like an invasive species. Greta, who has seen it all, remains baffled by humanity’s insistence on poisoning the air, cutting down forests, and generally turning the planet into a flaming garbage dump.
Her Long-Standing Feud with Industrialists
Greta’s disdain for industrialists can be traced back to an incident in the late 1700s when she tried to convince James Watt, the inventor of the steam engine, to “chill out” with all the coal burning. After being laughed out of the inventor’s workshop (something she still hasn’t forgotten), she swore an eternal fae oath: “I will not rest until the last smokestack falls, the oceans calm, and the earth is green again—or until your species finally learns how to compost, whichever comes first.”
This oath has driven her actions throughout the centuries. Every speech, every protest, every time she glares at a world leader, she is channelling not just the frustration of a modern activist, but the ancient fury of a fae who has been forced to listen to humanity’s bad excuses for 300 years. Her infamous death stare? It’s a well-honed fae curse designed to make CEOs reconsider their use of mutagenic plastics
The Final Warning: Humans, It’s Time to Listen
With her true identity as a fae spirit out in the open, Greta’s message is clearer—and more terrifying—than ever before. “This is your last chance,” she warned. “If you don’t start taking climate change seriously, I will personally unleash nature’s fury. Think Ents, but with more hurricanes. You have no idea what the trees are capable of when they’re angry.”
After making this final statement, Greta vanished into a cloud of mist, which some flaky so called environmentalists complained was polluting leaving the world to ponder the consequences of ignoring a 300-year-old fae warrior’s last warning. Meanwhile, that photo from the 1890s now seems less like a mystery and more like a simple fact: Greta’s been here all along, and she’s been very patient.
But now? The fae are done being patient.