After years of ribbiting uncertainty, Kermit the Frog has come out as gay, sparking a wave of joy and support across the swamp. The once somber amphibian, who felt confused about his identity, now proudly runs a thriving gay bar, “The Swamp Queen,” where frogs and Muppets alike enjoy Atrazine shots—a playful nod to the chemical pollutant that’s been “tinkering with frog genes for decades.”
Kermit sat down for an exclusive interview with Swamp Digest to discuss his journey of self-discovery, how he’s embraced the new version of himself, and why “being green” now means a little more than it used to.
“It wasn’t easy,” Kermit confessed, sipping a martini with a decorative fly garnish. “I remember the days when we were all a bit down, hopping around wondering what was happening to us. One minute, I was leading sing-alongs with my banjo, and the next thing I knew, my voice had a lilt and I started feeling fabulous in pink.”
It turns out that Kermit and many of his froggy brethren were impacted by a not-so-froggy cocktail of pollutants. Besides the Atrazine that feminized their little pond, there was a healthy dose of PCBs for that extra dash of hormonal confusion, and don’t forget the pesticides—the kind that really make you question which side of the lily pad you want to hop to.
“We were all a little shell-shocked at first,” Kermit admitted, “Especially when some of the guys started laying eggs. But eventually we figured, why not embrace it? You know what they say: when life gives you chemicals, throw a party!”
And party they did. “The Swamp Queen” has become the hottest spot in town, featuring Drag Tadpole Tuesdays, Ribbiting Rainbow Fridays, and a new cocktail special: the PCBini—shaken, not stirred, for that extra toxic zing.
Miss Piggy, ever the diva, wasn’t exactly floored by Kermit’s revelation.
“Well, darling,” she sniffed, applying an extra coat of lipstick, “I had my suspicions. I mean, how can he resist someone as utterly divine as moi? There had to be something in the water!”
And indeed, there was—a heady mix of mercury and pharmaceutical runoff that helped tip the balance. But Miss Piggy has been magnanimous about it. “I’m thrilled Kermie is finally embracing his true self—even if he’s moved from chasing me to running his little bar. The way he works those cocktail shakers? Pure artistry!”
Other Muppets have weighed in with their own support:
Fozzie Bear, always ready with a punchline, chimed in:
“I always knew Kermit was the life of the party, but now he’s really hopped over to the fun side. Those PCBinis? Wocka wocka! Though they might make you see a few extra stars…”
Gonzo, never one to miss out on the bizarre, was ecstatic:
“This is perfect! Kermit’s transformation, the whole nightclub scene, it’s like performance art meets biology. I mean, we’re practically living in a science experiment here, and I love it!”
Even Dr. Bunsen Honeydew was thrilled to offer some “scientific insights” during happy hour:
“It’s quite fascinating! Between the endocrine disruptors and trace amounts of birth control in the water, we’re witnessing a real-time evolution of social dynamics in the frog world. Truly groundbreaking!”
Despite the pollutants, Kermit and his friends have turned adversity into celebration. What started as an identity crisis caused by chemicals in the swamp has blossomed into a full-fledged expression of love, pride, and solidarity.
“It’s not easy being green,” Kermit winked, “But now it’s absolutely fabulous being Rainbow.”
So next time you visit the swamp, don’t forget to stop by “The Swamp Queen” and enjoy a round of Atrazine shots—or perhaps a PCBini—Because when life gives you pollutants, why croak about it when you can slay?