It all started with a swipe. Rachel, 47, was casually browsing Tinder when—ping—up popped the face that launched a thousand heartthrobs. Brad freaking Pitt! She couldn’t believe her eyes. “I mean, it had to be a joke,” Rachel recalls, sipping her decaf latte as we catch up with her for an exclusive interview. “But then I remembered Brad’s joke at the Oscars about his Tinder profile photo, and I thought, well, maybe stars really are just like us!” It felt like destiny
To her utter disbelief, a match was made, and soon she was exchanging messages with the Brad Pitt, Hollywood’s golden boy. “He was so sweet, so attentive,” Rachel gushes, scrolling through her phone to show us the texts. “He called me ‘babe’ and told me how much he loved connecting with someone who saw him for who he really was, beyond the fame.”
But the dreamy romance took a strange turn when “Brad” revealed he was in Nigeria, filming a top-secret movie project. “He said the WiFi was bad, and he couldn’t video chat, but honestly, I was just honored that he was confiding in me about his work!” Rachel says with a laugh. “Hollywood is so secretive, you know?”
The plot thickened when, one day, Brad texted in a panic. He needed money—quick. According to him, the film’s producers were delaying his pay, and local banks weren’t cooperating. Naturally, he turned to Rachel for help. “At first, I was like, ‘Isn’t this a little weird?’” Rachel admits. “But then I thought, well, it’s Brad Pitt. If he needs a few thousand dollars, who am I to question it?”
Over the next few weeks, Rachel wired over $50,000 to Brad’s ‘film crew’ for various ‘emergencies.’ But things started to get even stranger when she called him, excited to finally hear his voice. What greeted her was not the smooth, sultry tone she’d heard in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Instead, it was… well, something quite different.
“Hello, my love,” said a voice on the other end. Only, instead of Brad’s iconic American drawl, Rachel was greeted with a thick Nigerian accent.
Naturally, Rachel was confused. “I was like, ‘Brad? Is that you?’” she says. “And he goes, ‘Yes, my dear, I am in character for my current role. You remember how I did that Caribbean accent in Meet Joe Black? This is just like that, this time I am playing a Nigerian character.’”
Convinced this was just another example of Brad’s infamous dedication to method acting, Rachel brushed off any doubts. After all, this was Brad Pitt, Oscar-winner, and master of disguise! “He told me the accent was for his new movie, and honestly, I was kind of impressed by how committed he was,” she admits.
But as the requests for money kept coming, and the texts became more sporadic, Rachel’s friends started to grow concerned. “They kept telling me, ‘Rach, this is a scam.’ But I was like, ‘Have you seen Brad Pitt? Why would he need to scam me? He’s got millions!’”
However, after weeks of silence and yet another unanswered call, something finally clicked for Rachel. “I called him again, and this time, I really listened to that accent. And it hit me—this isn’t method acting. This is… something else.”
That’s when her frustration boiled over. “I started thinking about Angelina Jolie, and suddenly, it all made sense. I used to feel bad for Brad during their divorce, but now? I totally get it. He probably drove her crazy with this flaky behavior! Not to mention the weird accents.”
In a final twist, Rachel now finds herself sympathizing with Angelina Jolie more than ever. “I never understood why she left him, but now? Girl, I get it. He’s unreliable, and frankly, kind of a mess. I mean, if he’s pulling this stuff on me, who knows what she went through.”
Despite everything, Rachel still holds out hope for some closure—if not from Brad, at least from her bank account. “I’m not bitter,” she says with a sigh. “But if Brad could at least return my $50k, that would be great.”
As for her next dating move? “Well, let’s just say I’m steering clear of Hollywood types for a while,” she laughs. “But if Chris Hemsworth pops up on Bumble, who knows?”
Brad, if you’re out there reading this—Rachel would like her money back. And maybe a real American accent next time.
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